


Later

by Topographical_Map_Of_Utah



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Post TLJ, lots of talking, they had a bad day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 17:49:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13036302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah/pseuds/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah
Summary: After everything, the guys really don't know what to do with themselves





	Later

This was it. After everything, every fight, every sacrifice, every moment of fear and pain and sorrow and outright fury, this was what they had to show for it. A bucket of bolts and a lightsaber sliced down the middle. A legion of dead and a distress signal that had gone unheard.

And hope? As far as Finn was concerned, hope was out of the picture.

Hyperspace flashed by outside the window as he dug through a supply cabinet, pulling out the last blanket without holes or feathers on it. Why were there feathers everywhere?

"Go to bed." he said softly, covering Rey with it despite her sleepy protests. She had been sitting up with Leia long after most of the others had hunkered down, her lashes flickering and head on Leia's shoulder. Finally, Finn had managed to coax her into a warm corner, bandage her up, get her into some clean clothes. They had talked, but Rey was too tired to get much out other than the fact that Kylo was worthless and Luke was dead. All that trouble to get the map to Skywalker, and Finn never even got to meet the man. That was a disappointment. 

"You like it, right?" Rey whispered, almost on the brink of dozing off. Finn nodded, putting on the necklace she had made him in case they got separated again. Luke's lightsaber had been snapped in half, somehow, and Rey had made a few necklaces out of the shattered crystal inside. It was her way of grieving, Finn thought. Keeping her hands busy, keeping herself focused on anything else.

"'Course I do. Now get some rest." He smiled and kissed her forehead as she drifted off, ignoring the tightness in his chest, the bitterness and guilt threatening to lip over the edge. He couldn't tell her. She couldn't know how much of this was his fault.

Once she was asleep Finn tiptoed back into the hold, joining Poe at the Dejarik table. He had spent a good two hours earlier playing against the computer, managing to outsmart it each and every time. That didn't make him feel any less like a failure, though. Poe shifted and Finn leant against him and looked around, eyeing the rust, the exposed wires, the bird nest in the corner (when had that gotten there?). If he couldn't see the stars flashing by outside and hear the hum of the engine, he would think it was still sitting lifeless on Jakku, a carcass gathering sand and cobwebs.

"We're screwed, aren't we?" he said finally, glancing over at Poe. His expression was equally shellshocked. It had been a long day. 

"Not screwed, just..." Poe searched for a word, his brow creasing as he did. It had been awhile since Finn saw him with a real smile. He missed it. "Nope, actually, screwed sums it up pretty well."

"It does, doesn't it?" Finn frowned, leaning against the seat. There had to be something positive he could bring up. "Thanks for fixing this." he said finally, tugging the collar of his jacket. At least that had managed to sneak its way back alive. Couldn't say the same for basically everything else. "Didn't think I'd see it again."

"Don't worry about it. Sorry for the rough patch job. Suits you well as ever, though." Poe added, a halfhearted smile on his face. "At least it's better than the leaky plastic robe. How long were you wandering around like that? Damn near gave me a heart attack."

"I'm the one who almost had a heart attack. Didn't have a clue what was going on, I just wanted to find Rey..."

"Yeah? Didn't care to know how your old pal Commander Dameron had been doing?" Poe snorted. "No, wait. Demoted. Captain Dameron. But I dunno what our rank system is now..." Hell, maybe they didn't even have one. Leia was still the General, though. That wouldn't be changing anytime soon.

"Do I even have a rank?" Finn wondered, only adding to his confusion. The only thing he had felt all day long was confusion, really.

"Feel free to take mine." Poe snorted. "You'd do a better job than me..."

"Shut up. You can lead us. Leia knows you can lead us."

"Lead what? This is the Resistance, buddy. All twenty eight of us, present and accounted for." Poe waved his hand, the gesture encompassing the whole room, all the light left in the galaxy. "Couldn't staff a pleasure cruise with our ranks..."

"Hey, we got what we need. We got a ship, pilots, a Jedi, a medic, a mechanic..." Finn glanced at the alcove in the corner, Rose still tucked up under a blanket, eyes closed. Stars, he had been so stupid, pulling that stunt with the battering ram. Had any good decisions been made today?

Poe followed his eyeline, his gaze softening. "She alright?"

"Yeah. Medic said she'll be upright soon." Finn nodded slowly, eyeing Rose's still form on the cot, knowing full well it was his fault she was laying there. Once he made sure she was breathing he turned back to Poe, trying for a smile. But he was so tired of trying. It never got them anywhere, did it?

"You alright?" Poe asked, getting to his feet and stretching. "Well, alright as you can be, in these circumstances..."

"Just..." Part of Finn wanted to lie, but he bit it back. He couldn't keep lying, he couldn't let it build up like this. "All I've done is mess up. I trusted that conman, so many of us died because of me. Because I trusted him..." 

"Don't say stuff like that. Where would we be if I hadn't trusted you back on the Finalizer, huh? I'll answer for you." Poe said quickly, before Finn could interject. "We'd be dead. All of us. Every single one of us would be space dust right now if you and me hadn't trusted each other. Trust isn't the problem. You're not the one who should have regrets. You were doing what you thought was right."

"So were you." Finn insisted. The details of what Poe had done earlier, like everything else about his day, were a blur, had passed too fast for him to catch. "You did what you thought was right."

"Nah. I was doing what I thought was heroic. Two different things. Before you woke up, the Dreadnaught..." A shadow passed over Poe's face, the darkness of an eclipse. "I led them into a slaughter. Me. On my own. Thought I knew better..." He trailed off, fiddling with the silver ring that hung on a chain around his neck. "And now I know how wrong I was. But I'm not the one who paid the price for that lesson."

Finn chewed on his lower lip, sitting down on the floor in the corner of the lounge. For the life of him, he couldn't understand the Order, even after growing up in their ranks. Their superweapon was gone, but the bastards had still somehow unleashed holy hell on them, had whittled the Resistance down to a single ship drifting aimlessly across the galaxy. The Order was a feral dog, Finn had decided. It was wont to kill you either way, but prod it and you were really just stoking the flames.

"You're still a hero, Poe..." Finn said weakly, as though that was any consolation. Hadn't Rose thought he was a hero? And look where that got her. "You're still..."

"That isn't enough. We can't...we can't just be heroes. We can't just do the right thing, not if we want to win this. We can't..." Poe squeezed his eyes shut and slid down the wall, gone pale and twitchy. "Aw, hell..."

Finn hesitated, then he went over to Poe, sitting down at his side and waiting for him to speak. Which he did, eventually. What they spoke about for the rest of the night, Finn wasn't sure. Fears, confessions, rage and sorrow and indignity that had no outlet, no release beyond these furtive words whispered in the dark. Eventually they wound up dozing half on top each other, the ship rattling beneath them, the galaxy blurring around them. Finn fought to keep his eyes open, emptiness and exhaustion far better than the nightmares that may or may not come later.

But something changed, as they sat there. First his hand found Poe's in the dark, then Poe's arm was around his shoulder, their bleary voices intermingling with the hum of the engine, wandering to some common end. Legs a casual tangle, long lashes brushing his cheek as Poe's eyelids fluttered. A delicate dance, one where neither of them knew the steps. Slowly intertwining, gravitating, galaxies on a collision course. Finn couldn't even be surprised when their lips brushed and met, when Poe pulled him close and kissed him. 

And deep, deep in his chest, a spark flickered to life.

He pulled away first, his heart still for the first time since he had woken up, a veil of momentary peace keeping the world at bay. A peace he had only caught glimpses of, before this. A sweetness, a softness, a promise of hope, of something rising from the ashes.

A promise he couldn't hold himself to as things were now.

So he shook his head, hand still cupping Poe's cheek, stubble rasping against his palm. What he would do, if he was free to choose. This was an open door, an invitation, a path to the home he had dreamt of, searched for. The light at the end of the tunnel, but not for the Resistance.

"Not now." Finn mumbled, though the words were like cotton in his mouth, making his voice cumbersome and slow. "We...we don't have time for this now."

Poe hesitated, his breathing shaky as he nodded. "And...and what about later?

"Is there going to be a later?"

"I think that's gonna be up to us, pal." The light flickered overhead, but even in the dark, Finn knew that Poe's eyes were on him, steady through it all. "Whatever this is, we'll get to it later."

"And what do we do in the meantime?"

"In the meantime..." For a moment there was silence, then Poe unlatched the necklace from around his neck, the ring glinting blue in the strobing lights outside their window. It clinked against the collar of Finn's jacket, cool against his skin. "Keep that safe for me, would you?" he asked, slipping it under Finn's shirt before getting to his feet. "We'll talk about it later?"

"I'll hold you to that." Finn agreed, catching Poe's eye once the light came back to life above them. Poe smiled, but Finn didn't see the hint of cockiness he had come to know back on the Finalizer. After thinking on it he grabbed Poe's hand and gave him the crystal, figuring Rey would understand. "And take this. So you don't forget, either."

"You sure you trust me with this?" Poe asked, eyes going a little wide as he slipped the necklace around his neck. It wasn't every day you get handed a piece of history. "Really?"

"'Course I do. Besides," Finn watched Poe hover in the doorway a moment, eyes flicking across his face, like a ship mapping its course. "It suits you."

Poe actually laughed at that, shaking his head as he made his way to the cockpit. "See you around, Big Deal."

"See you, Commander." Finn watched Poe leave, bringing a hand up to touch the ring once he was alone, let his fingers explore the curve of it, simple and sure. What it promised, neither of them knew, not yet at least. Even so, a smile managed to fight its way onto his face as Finn sat back, his eyes easing shut.

Just another thing to hope for. Another dream to keep alive until the sun came back up.

**Author's Note:**

> idk how i feel about this movie


End file.
